All the Feels

Even though it's been ages since I wrote a post, tonight I just needed to get a lot out and remembering about this blog gave me the perfect outlet.
I've been very emotional lately and just weary of different things and I have no idea why. I get upset so easy and want to cry all the time. I have also been having some health issues and feel sick almost all of the time. The feeling sick thing I am slowly working on and weeding things out of my diet and taking medication to help control others. Some time last year I started crying every time I said goodbye to my parents and have ever since. I never used to do this before and have been questioning it ever since. Part of me thinks it's because I go longer without seeing them but another part of me thinks that I should be used to it by now and should be over the crying thing but I'm not. Today was especially bad when they left. I have been upset all day and no matter what I try to do as soon as I stop and my thoughts drift I get upset and start crying all over again.  I wish I could just figure it out and move past it because sometimes it freaks me out because I'm not always sad but I can't quit crying about it.
Another thing that has been really getting to me is senior year starting. I never thought this day would actually come and a part of me was hoping that it wouldn't. This is the last year to have so many experiences and the last chance to be with all of my friends and sisters in one place together.  After next year most everyone will be going separate ways and that's a really scary thought.  Those four years ago I was terrified about going off to college but excited at the same time for a fresh start, but now I'm comfortable with myself and where I am for the most part for probably the first time in my life and I don't want any of that to change and have to start over again but at a real high stress job. I don't even know what I want to do yet and I don't feel ready to move on and graduate but at the same time I'm so over the school and petty drama that comes with it.  I think mostly I'm just scared. But instead of being scared I want to embrace it, I know that it's coming so why not go right along with it and welcome it when it comes. But until then...

I know I suck at blogging...

But I am going to try working on that. I have just become so caught up in life and Tumblr that I have just not regular blogged. It has also been due to lack of motivation but I have some of that back now and am going to try to stay motivated and come up with entertaining things to post so be on the lookout for more regular posts. (And by regular I mean like once a week or every 2 weeks.)

Spring Break 2011

Two weeks ago I went to Panama City Beach with one of my best friends, her mom, sister, and three of her sister's friends for a week. It was amazing! We had so much fun! Laying on the beach, shopping, eating, taking pictures with random guys at the mall, and going to the slingshot were just some of the many adventures we had while there. We even had a grenade whistle and flute! Haha It was priceless watching the people on the strips faces when they heard the flute! All in all it was such a great trip that we decided that's where we are going to take our senior trip this summer! I can't wait for that! But for now enjoy some pictures from our lovely time!

 

One Day Without Shoes 2011

Tomorrow is TOMS annual One Day Without Shoes! This is a day where people around the world go barefoot for the day to raise awareness of TOMS and why they do what they do. TOMS is a One for One organization. This means that for every pair of their shoes sold, a pair of their shoes is given to a child in need all over the world. One Day Without Shoes is to get people talking. If you aren't wearing shoes people will wonder why you aren't and ask you thus spreading the word of TOMS. The day gives people a feel of how children all over the world go their whole lives without shoes. It may be cold, dirty, or rainy, but this is just one day without shoes to help prevent children from a life with no shoes. So, wherever you are, whatever you are doing, if possible go without shoes. (If you can't go actually barefoot, you can always go virtually barefoot!) Afterall, it's just one day. For more information visit http://www.onedaywithoutshoes.com/.

TTFN

Talent Show

So, seeing as me and my friends are seniors we decieded we didn't care what we did this year, and entered ourselves in the talent show. After doing the one here we decieded why not. So, we gathered a group which in the end did include some juniors and came up with a blacklight dance. What is this you ask? It's just where we wear all black with orange duct tape stick figures taped to it with painted orange faced and ribbons and neon zip ties in our hair. We then turn out all the lights and have blacklights and dance. It's super cool looking. We didn't end up winning anything, but we had the best time ever just hanging out and practicing it for the weeks leading up to it! One of the guys even said he wanted to do another one next year which was really cool. Me and two of my friends made up the dance and one of their boyfriends made the song mix for us. It was so cool! I am so glad I got to hang out with all of those people because we were such a random group, but ended up having the most fun together, and I will miss hanging out with them everyday!

TTYL

Last Convention

So, this past weekend was my last Interact convention that I will attend as a participant. I hope one day that I will be able to go back as a chaperone or something else like that, but for now that over. It makes me so sad to think that after three years I won't be going anymore. But this year was so much fun. We even won third place in the talent show for large group talent. We did this synchronized swimming thing and apparently everyone thought it was hilarious. If someone posts the video I'll link it. Me and the other girls I roomed with took Saloon girl pictures and they are so cute! I'll share those too. (In fact, I'll probably just make a picture post after I get them all.) On Sunday, before we left during session we had an amazing speaker. His name was Scott Shickler. He was one of the most inspiring people I have ever heard a speech from. The things he said just made me really think about what I was passionate about and what will truly make me happy. I realized that I'm going to have to start making decisions based purely for myself and not based on what others think I should do. His foundation website is https://www.magicwandfoundation.org/ and I would greatly recommend checking it out, especially the 7 mindsets to your ultimate life. Overall, I had an amazing weekend and wish I had more time there to learn and experience more greatness.

Scary thoughts

Ever since I was a little girl I wanted to go to UTK for college. I dreamed about going there and being in a sorority and making tons of friends and having the time of my life. Then one day that was no longer the dream. I don't know what changed my mind, it just happened one day. And now, I only find myself second guessing everything. One day I wanna go to UTC, the next I want to stay at Motlow for a year, and occassionally I just want to go to MTSU. I always said I would never go to MTSU, but one day it didn't seem so bad anymore. It's still my last choice but sometimes I think it would just be easy. I'm too scared to actually commit to choosing one place because I'm scared I will regret it. That no matter what I choose to do I will unhappy and think I made the wrong decision. I'm scared that if I go away I'll end up hating it and come back home after a semester and feel like a failure. I don't know what I want to do for the rest of my life, and don't feel like I'm old enough to decide, so why is it that this is the age people want you to? I talk myself into changing my mind at least twice a day, but pretty soon I'm gonna have to make a definate decision and I'm not ready to.